He's addicted and hes hiding something from me. I can't stand all of the lying and even worse I feel like I come in second place to what's online. How can I help him get over this is everywhere he looks of goes things provoke dirty thoughts that cause him to go online? Much less I haven't been able to do anything about the internet access on his ipod, or phone, or even at his work computer. Not to mention now-a-days even without access to porn online there's porn stores. What do I do? I know I need strength and prayer.
If he feels like you're on his side, that will help him. So will your prayers and trusting him and honoring him by faith, even when you don't think he deserves it. We tend to try to live up to the expectations others have of us. Remember that these type of habits form in a guys teen years; its a brain addiction; its usually not about you or him not liking you, etc. just some bad habits and need for new disciplines. See if you can have honest, non-judgmental conversations and you may be able to help him grow out of it. A lot of guys are deeply embarrassed about this type of problem, so its hard for them to admit to it, or deal with it effectively. This is why they need a non-judgmental environment to open up. Bless you TLA
For the longest time of my life I also believed that I could not quit porn, but I did.I lived 22 years addicted to porn until I read verses in the Bible that declare deliverance from the lust of the flesh. I was not previously 'aware' of these particular verses until they hit me suddenly as I read them. I do not know why these verses are not common knowledge to Christians, but apparently they are not. When I read them, I eventually reached the point where I decided to act on them. So, I began the process of preparing for the day of deliverance by getting rid of my porn and related items. Then, one day I knew that that day had arrived to rid myself of the last of it and trust God for deliverance. I took a chance on getting God to deliver me, and He Did! Praise the Lord!I know how scary is the thought of giving up porn. Back in those days (over three years ago) I felt I needed those hundreds of beautiful images that I used daily to aid my sexual-climax fix. So, I can appreciate your husband's addiction and reluctance to give it all up cold turkey. Yet, the Bible tells us that God can and does deliver us when we fulfill the requirements for deliverance. I'll gladly tell you what I think everyone addicted to porn (and all uncleaness and fornication) needs to do to get free of it, if you are interested, and simply going cold turkey is NOT enough. That's trying to do it in human strength only.What should you do while you wait for your husband to grow the faith to leave his porn addiction behind him? If he is open to what I have to tell you, educate him with it. Don't nag him. It won't do any good. He doesn't like being addicted any more than you like it. Be patient with him. If he is willing to learn from my example and take the risk of walking in faith and obedience for his deliverance, then he will get his deliverance. Until then, pray, support, love, and be patient, and don't become resentful of the situation. Becoming resentful will spiritually hurt both you and him.It takes courage to act in faith that God will deliver. We have to face our fear of failure and boldly resolve that, come what may, we will do what the Lord has told us to do in the scriptures. It took me some time to get to that point. I call the spiritual battle we need to engage in to overcome this stronghold of the mind the 'spirit battle'. Once we've overcome the fear of failure and have fully dedicated ourselves to full obedience, then we are ready to do what we need to do, which is this:Walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh (Gal. 5:16).Of course, it all begins by believing the gospel and being baptized according to the scriptures. Playing church won't work. It's time to become true disciples of the Lord.There is much more to this.
can't and won't are two different things. He is confusing them.My only words of wisdom as a wife would be to take your eyes off of your husband (I know this is hard!!!) and put them on the Lord. Stop trying to control the outcome and give that control back to God. We mean well but often we circumvent and mess up the whole process. You cannot make him do something he doesn't want to do. You cannot open his eyes to the truth-- only God can awaken something in him to give him the desire to be free. There is power in prayer and even if it doesn't change them--- hopefully it changes us.You may also find the community at http://www.partnersforpurity.com helpful and encouraging. MT
I thought this was a "Prayer Request" thread...as much as I support all three of your efforts here (MT?..even YOU didn't offer a prayer? ;-p )"Father, you hear Your Daughter's cries for help and hope...bring Grace to her for endurance and love, to her husband for humility and repentance....Healing to their relationship, ownership of wrongs, forgiveness of sin...whatever it is, improved communication, working out of conflict, simple friendship and romance and a healthy sex life....Heal this marriage, Father! Amen."
You have a good point BW, but encouragement is still good to bring, right? And she did ask "What do I do?" Looking at the Prayer Wall guidelines, I think we were all "in order" and we can still offer private prayer.
Of course, encouragement is good...but you guys didn't offer a prayer at all, and I do remember being gently rebuked for just offering advice before on a "Prayer Wall"...SOMEONE had to do the rebuking this time! ;-p
Thanks! Faithful are the wounds of a friend.
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