First off, yes, it is hypocritical if you don't share your problems with porn, but moreso, are there any sins of your own or his that you talk about or keep each other accountable for? Why would you feel so driven to talk with him about ONLY this one sin?....seems a bit nearsighted, and sex-obsessed?

"I also suspect that he may be the guy who wouldn't share this with his girlfriend."

Maybe, maybe not...that is none of your business...is it? You two aren't even close friends...but you appear to "suddenly" care very much for him that you want to confront him?....If you care deeply for him, why not hang out more, try to forge a solid friendship, and see if any deeper revelations ON BOTH OF YOUR PARTS will occur....

IMO he AND you sound self-centered...you might want to point out a speck in his eye, but you know how that verse goes...

Not Your Problem.

To the OP:

First, you are correct to be concerned about this situation. You are also correct to seek wisdom about how to deal with it. But know that not everyone who posts on this board is a believer and some who claim to be are very liberal in their views about sexual morality.

Clearly, God has revealed your roommate’s porn problem to you (assuming you are correct about that) to get you involved in its solution – at the very least as one who prays for God’s grace for a holy resolution to it. Pray to God for wisdom (James 1:5-6). He will give it to you on how to proceed in due time. Until then, be patient and remain faithful that it will come, and continue to pray for your roommate to find deliverance and forgiveness for his sins. This is not arrogance since we are told to pray for each other (James 5:16, Eph. 6:18, 1 John 5:16).

Doctrinal point. Is it right for one believer to ‘judge’ another believer for his or her sins? Yes (1 Cor. 5:12-13, Gal. 6:1). Absolutely, though it has to be done in the name of Christ and not for impure reasons. It must also be done properly – in love and without hypocrisy, and according to correct doctrine (Rom. 15:14). When believers ‘judge’ another believer for sin (to admonish), it is as proxy for the Lord and the Gospel’s sake. We are not to ‘sit in judgment’ as the superior one. It is not a personal issue, rather, it is an uncomfortable duty.

Anyone who claims to be a Christ follower has given up the right to remain ‘free from judgment of other believers’! Any so-called believer who considers himself outside of church discipline is a reprobate.

Some many years ago, I was the recipient of judgment from another believer about my attitude toward nonbelievers. (I used to be a moralist.) He was right and I was wrong, though it took me some time to see it. It was humbling to go through, but what he did was right and I came to appreciate his admonishing me very much. I could have continued a long time in that sin, were it not for him being courageous enough to rebuke me.

Now, I'm not suggesting that you need to rebuke your roommate for his porn use. Instead, perhaps you could wait for an appropriate time to say something like this to him, “Say, unless I'm mistaken, I heard you visiting a porn site some time ago, and I was wondering if you’d like to discuss it with me if you think it’s a problem in your walk with the Lord.”

So, why do I not just recommend that you rebuke him for his sin? Why bother? If he will admit it to you himself, you don't need to, but if he does not admit it as sin, your proclaiming it to be won’t change his mind. Sometimes people need time to think about the matter and then they can come back to the issue with a new perspective after the Lord has worked on their consciences awhile.

Many people who call themselves Christians have lived for years believing that masturbating to porn is okay with God. I don't even know how you regard this yourself. It may take him some time to confront his activities according to his own conscience before he will open up to you.

Before you admonish him on his porn use, you have to be convinced that what he is doing is wrong yourself. So, are you only concerned that porn use is wrong if the guy has a girlfriend or wife, or do you think, as I do, that porn use and masturbation are wrong not only for men in relationships but also for single men?

The last question for you is, How much victory do you have in this area? If not enough, then know that God has provided the way for our total victory over sexual sins and sexual lust. I’ll list some of the verses, but notice that victory comes only after we do the right things first:

IF we walk in the Spirit THEN we will not fulfill the lust of the flesh (Gal. 5:16).
IF we are not ashamed to put God first in our lives THEN we will not undermine our faith in Jesus (John 5:44).
IF we love the brethren THEN we will NOT stumble into sin (1 John 2:10).
IF we give to the poor and needy as we have means THEN we will experience the world as clean to us (Luke 11:41).

2 Peter 1:2-10 gives us a more robust list of right things to do: give diligence to increasing in faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, godliness, kindness, and charity. And what do we get for that effort? We get more grace (the power of God working in us through the Spirit) to be partakers of the divine nature that is able to turn down the volume on our carnal nature that corrupts us through our lusts, and yielding in us a stable place in Christ from which we will not fall. Praise God!

Victory in Jesus

If the OP has genuine concern for his roommate, then fine...but my major question is did he have genuine concern for him BEFORE he heard porn (does he even know for a fact it was porn and not something else?...a Youtube comical video?...who knows without seeing it for himself?)....Is viewing porn the "only" sin to be concerned about?...There are a plethora of sins, sooooo...why doesn't the Church at-large go around and address the many, many sins we see in each other? For practical and loving reasons...it is not our job to do so, but the Holy Spirit's...yes, we judge sin, with a spirit of love and humility, but we quite obviously do not carry it out the nth degree, either...that is why I asked if the OP was sex-obsessed....it seems that the Church is, out of shame and fascination, which very quickly clouds one's judgment regarding the Big Picture...

God gave us common sense as a part of Wisdom...

My two cents. Ask God to arrange the conversation to arise on its own. Don't take the initiative. Its really none of your business, IMO, its a matter of conscience for him to decide and for his girlfriend to ask, not you. Again, tell the Lord about your concern and let the matter come up in conversation. Your input will be better received in that manner. It's a matter of individual conscience whether one watches porn, etc.

Ok, really, let me see if I can peel my hand away from my face to answer this absurdity.

First, ignoring the fact that you have no rapport with a fellow believer while living in the same house- you're assuming he has a porn problem. Ignoring the fact, that some people, INCLUDING BELIEVERS, find sexual expression of various forms healthy and normal.

Second, you are worried that 'he is in a relationship just to have a gf.' This is such a ridiculous statement- as though the idea of being with a person for the sake of that person and companionship is somehow illegitimate- and to someone who isn't in that relationship, has no stake in it and knows nothing about it.

Third, who are you to determine someone's 'self behaviour' in their own home? Observing your own admission that you may as well be strangers- what selfish things do you do- in the calm and relaxation of your own repost in your own sanctuary which are selfish for the very reason that you can finally relax and repose? You have no relationship with this person, you have no idea what their public or otherwise behaviour is outside how it affects you- which seems to be, despite the near total lack of personal annoyance and impact to yourself, seems to be enormous in this one area. Have you considered that your roommate thinks you may be a slob, are selfish- considering the main ingredient here is that neither of you talks to each other, dont call him selfish when, if this is the observation no one has brought it up and has just let it fester- are you prepared to refuse to defend yourself if he brings up something true he finds selfish? Stop going wide of point.

Fourth, you are apprehensive in your conscience, you don't even know if you heard what you heard, and are unable to own your own feelings about how that made you uncomfortable- so you have retreated into making this about him, how he disturbed your calm and it's now he who has to change- and how you should help your roommate feel like you and to make you feel better. If it made you feel uncomfortable that you thought you heard sex and don't know how to deal with that, say so to him, but own your damn feelings, they're yours, caused by only you know what, your inclinations or aversions, your experiences your perspectives and not anything to do with him.

Fifth, despite Tristan's arrogant, patronising, conceited and condescending tones, he brings up one good point- from Luke 11:41, though he has the cowardice to add 'as we have means', 'If we give to the poor and needy the world will be clean to us'- are you sure you're about your business and your duty- if something is found to be inappropriate to you, are you focusing on your impact in the world or floundering in how everything is impacting you? Are you helping others, are you seeing yourself in others and wondering where they are in you, so as to understand and see the rooted good causes of most people's actions? Are you just a meddler, concerned with all the ugly things in the world you must fix- or are you about what you can effect to those who need it more than someone dealing with lust? Don't you have problems of your own to worry about- are you the one seeking support and using someone as means to that end? And who are you to determine if this person's relationship is cheating and unfaithful- I presume you would also object to marrying out of lust- but Paul supports it. You have no idea what they have talked about, these two people they could have already discussed it, and if they haven't what are you going to do about it?- and who are you to insist upon it and ridicule the genius of how they exist together? Are you jealous for some reason- leave them alone!

Read through 1st John- That those who have the Spirit love eachother, and do what is right- this is not a divergence of traits- to love one another is doing what is right, and doing what is right is loving one another. So what if he looks at porn- does this affect his compassion, his mercy, his ability to accept people rather than dismiss them by a clever evil of dogma and doctrinal points and for the sake of the 'supernatural' dismiss people and call it miraculous or just, isolating them, alienating them, abandoning them for some 'heavenly' cog's wallop that Jesus would have whipped and pissed on with fury? YOU HAVE NO IDEA! You're not allowing this man his own authority to 'work out his own salvation with fear and trembling.' You're making him fit your conditions, and you wish us to conspire with you to make it happen- because you are not occupied with your own abilities- you're finding new ways to sin, you're finding a way to qualify and dismiss him- you're seeking for the upper hand in your fraternity, and it is obvious, because you're approaching this from the idea you can be uncomfortable without considering if the problem is merely in you, and setting up a situation where your response will be able to fall back in recourses justified as 'protecting yourself'.

In 1st John you'll also note, the verses 'those who have this Spirit need know one to teach them for the Spirit themselves has shown them what is right. They that have this Spirit cannot sin any longer because they have the very nature of God.' You already have your answer- do not do this thing, it is not yours to be done. Your very question shows the nature of its error, should I do this thing held only in me, or should I not do it, in black and white situations, you already know the answer, if it were something with many options, or criteria then you could ask for real advice, but this is 'here's all my grievance and nothing about myself, except, should I steal authority and play heroic?' Follow the spirit, and keep silent, unless you're going to own your feelings and express your discomfort at hearing porn in your own home- this is the only ground you have and everything else is just immature and far wide of point.

I asked for thoughts and I got them, I appreciate you all. That said-I was perhaps unclear on a few matters which I will leave here for a period then I'll have rather that this conversation did not exist.

First, I never said this man is a stranger who happens to sleep in the room across from mine. We are friends, we are social a lot in and outside of our apartment, part of Bible studies together, and we have talked about various serious matters--including relationships and dating, loneliness, etc. I have far more reason to make the character assessments of him that I have here then any of you have to make the ones you have made about me.

I say I had decided not to open up to him fully because I don't think it would be beneficial for either of us-I have a lot of major problems from my past that I have dealt with, some of them about lust. Indeed God has brought me victory in some of these areas. If I were to confront him on this incident of course it is solely out of love for him, and because God has shown me so much grace in these matters, I want to make sure my roommate (/friend) is aware of the same love and grace. I have struggled with porn, fyi, I know how it can be destructive in how I relate to other people, and it has had very detrimental effects in the relationships and lives of some people I love and know very well. I do not want this to happen to him, regardless if he is my best friend or a lukewarm one. I would of course acknolwedge to him that I have similar struggles, if it would aid him to go through my experiences more, I would do that.

There are other aspects of my struggles that I am certain are not applicable to him and it would not benefit either of us to make him aware of what I have worked through. Yes, part of it is that I don't trust that he would understand or empathize, but it is as much for his benefit as mine, especially as I already have accountability and love from friends who are aware of these parts of my life. These things are what I referred to when I said " I didn't feel comfortable opening up to him about my personal struggles".

You're still not explaining what any of this has to do with you, except that you feel the need to make yourself a part of his need, for your own desires. You're still responding as though you're the authoritative person 'who can obviously help' without any conclusive proof that there's anything to help with. Which, if you say so now, contradicts all the information in your first post- though you've already done that by altering the description of your relationship in your second post. You don't even know if he's struggling with anything or was even watching porn- and you don't know his own adaptations to the issue if there is one. It sounds, continuously, like you are the one too afraid to find a way to admit you're the one who needs support, but need a segway to make yourself necessary and useful in someone else's problem, present a false position of aid and strength to get what you need. And 'as much for his benefit as mine' is presumptuous and discribes exactly what I am saying- you are doing this for you, for your benefit- if it were for love for him 'your benefit' should not be included, hence i believe you are seriously deluded in your motives.

@j_piano_man

I gotta echo @Miracle Man on this one...if I may add or state in my own wording, it sounds like you are laying your own trip on your roommate, so yes, it seems like it's more about you than him....and bringing up now how closer you are with him than the first post alluded to sounds...eh, convenient.

"I want to make sure my roommate (/friend) is aware of the same love and grace"?....sorry, just too self-serving...