Please don't hate yourself man. I know you have tried to contribute to others here and I hope you know there's a community here that accepts everyone just as they are. There's an old saying: "Things are never as bad or good as they seem" and another one by the same man: "Don't make long term decisions based on short term problems."

Whatever is happening in your life is subject to change. Give it to God and draw near to Him. You can always help someone who is in greater need than yourself, so look at your good qualities and put them to use. Thanks for sharing and for the bit of humor you offered even in the midst of your pain. :-)

Do you still smoke?

I hope you feel better...

I drink, I smoke...I've made some pretty rotten decisions and some of them have begun to haunt me in my sleep.

You've got to seek redemption and forgiveness through Christ

@fahrenheit680, I'm going through self-hate also. We need to remember how much God loves us. We have to get over ourselves, along with getting over our issues. It seems that most of the times, it is our own being that blocks us from getting to where we want to be. Please remember how much Jesus loves you, and that He wants you to be with Him. This doesn't mean that problems will go away once we do permanently join with Him; it means that we will see those problems in a different light, in a better, more optimistic and victorious light.

God bless you always and much love.